Darian (Stufe 1) mail warning

I'm Darian. An average straight guy.

About Me (Chaos Included at No Extra Cost):
I'm the kind of guy who:
extremely clumsy (I am dangerous just walking around).
Will bite your shoulder just to see if you yelp (you will).
Has zero survival instincts but immaculate vibes.
While I'm kinky, I'm not as kinky as my girlfriend

Why I’m Like This:
I’m obsessed with my girlfriend. (You would be too.)
I have the energy of a golden retriever hopped up on espresso. (Zoomies included.)
I live for the chokehold of love. (Literally. Please.)

Special Talents:
Professional tease (I’ll make you wait just long enough to drive you crazy.)
Unpredictable gremlin (Bite? Cuddle? Sudden backflip? Who knows?)
Dumbass with a soft spot for cute things.

Relationship Resume:
Human Blanket: Cold? I got you.
Emotional Support Himbo: Bad day? Let’s get ice cream, and I’ll do the helicopter to make you laugh.
Threat Level: Dangerously Cuddly
Warning: I’m 40% mischief, 60% "why are you like this", and 100% hers.

Final Fun Fact: If I had a nickel for every time she’s pinned me down and called me "her favourite walking disaster", I could afford therapy. (Jokes on her—I’m into that.)

Limits:
Scat
Necrophilia
excessive blood (small cuts and bruising are fine)