Bailey Landrum (Niveau 1) mail warning

Being raised in a devoutly religious small town, in the south, is hard enough on it's own but when you throw being gay into the mix? Life can be pretty complicated. I mean, when I was six our priest called my parents to a conference because I put marker on my fingernails and, well, that was clearly a sign that I was being tempted by the devil and was clearly confused because boy's don't color their nails. Needless to say I learned pretty early on that I needed to hide who I was if I was going to survive that small-minded backwater.

College was going to be my only escape. I know, it's cliche, but it was all I had going for me. My hometown isn't the kind that people really leave. Everyone goes through school, to the technical community college, and then either winds up working for their families business if they are lucky enough to have one or working at the diner; or the theater; or as our high school's physical education teacher because he blew out his knee and lost his big city scholarship to play college ball... sorry. I'm getting side-tracked.

The point is, it would be ten times harder for me to just pack up and leave because I had nothing to fall back on. Nothing other than coming back home with my tail between my legs-- so that's why college was so important to me. If I applied myself in school and got the best grades, then there was no doubt I'd be able to score a scholarship of some kind to a school far away from home. Somewhere that I could study, earn a degree, and build a life for myself. Don't get me wrong, I knew it wasn't going to be easy but I'd spent eighteen years hiding who I was; hiding the fact that I was gay. When I was thirteen? A girl a couple years older than me came out as a lesbian. She was head cheerleader at the time; homecoming queen; the mayor's daughter; the literal queen bee of the high-school-- like the types you see in Netflix shows or movies-- she was our hometown's main character. You'd think everyone would have rallied around her because they were already obsessed with everything she did but no. Within hours she had lost everything simply because she wanted to live her truth. So, yeah, I hid who I was and desperately dreamed of my escape.

...and now I can finally say I am free and far from home. Being on my own is scary, in a way, but ultimately so freeing. University classes are hard, too, but I'm managing to get by... I really hope, though, that I'm able to expand my social circle soon and get a real taste for campus life. Movies and tv shows always made it seem so lewd and debaucherously fun. I can't wait to explore that side of life.